The Dude Who Broke my Heart

I don’t really know how to start this post, just a little of a warning it is going to be very ranty.  First I would like to apologize of being very distant lately.  My heart is pretty much figuratively broke in 8 billion pieces and it is the week before my spring break and I have had way to much stress with school work. Hopefully next week I’ll be able to catch up.

Not that I haven’t dated and been happy with guys that I have previously dated but I’ve never had my heart broken.  Yes I had that guy I liked all through high school that nothing ever happened but I wouldn’t call that a heart break I would really just call that the person who you think in your mind in perfect but in reality if you ever dated he would just be the stereotypical rude jock in a lame abc family.  Little side bar abc family you use to have good movies but now they are just terrible.  But who am I to say I probably couldn’t write anything better.  
Here I am in my dorm room talking to the guy  I’ve been seeing eight for months.  We got through the normal long distance problems like me leaving for college, missing each other, and being busy.  Then two words just destroyed me “It’s over”.  Ten minutes later I had the most awkward tutoring session and my poor tutor.  I didn’t cry thank god, I wouldn’t even know what to do at that moment.  
I joke a lot about being heartless but that’s far from the truth.  I like my independence I actually don’t mind being a loner.  Through high school I had two relationships that were not intense, I was happy but I didn’t love them.  I was 5 hours away from family and my dog dealing with a pain I’ve never felt.  It was like my body was exploding of feelings of confusion, anger, and sadness.  I was with someone that when I was next to them I was the happiest I have ever been.  I’ve never felt as safe, loved and comfortable with someone and then they’re gone.  
Everything I have ever done I’ve never regretted.  Even if it ended badly there are always those good times where when you think about them a little smile starts to form.  Also there’s always things you can learn from a failed relationship so I will share some things about my relationship that are kinda personal but I hope it will give anyone who reads This advice about a relationship.  
Summer Flings Should Not Extend to Fall
I just graduated high school and I wanted to stay as far away from the people who I went to high school.  I live in a summer town where summer flings are super common.  But this wasn’t a casual relationship where you go to the beach and  make out on the lifeguard chair and call it a night.  It was complicated and the way I felt with him was a connection that I had never felt before.  When I looked at him I got nervous and my heart stared beating faster.  Here’s my advice when the summer ends so does your relationship.  Long distance is complicated when you have only been dating for a couple of months it’s better to just cut ties.  
Sneaking Around Gets Old
I was 18 and he was 22.  I’m not proud to say this but I became pretty good about being somewhere I wasn’t.  If the relationship ended when I left for school then it would of been fine it was a summer fling because I was working three jobs and didn’t have time to date and he worked in a restaurant to so we always got out at the same time.  But it didn’t end then came the awkward were are you going out at 11 when my “friend” (I may of have made up a friendship which explained why I left my house so late) who was in college which was my normal excuse.  Things got real when I left for college.  The feelings that we were both holding back because we both new that this relationship was something that couldn’t last come to the surface and there was no one we would of rather been with than each other.  
When I left for school it was one of the hardest things I had to do.  It was the “double hug” if anyone here is familiar with Holly and Vince hug on What I Like About You.  It’s when someone hugs you then they let go then pull you back in closer then you would think was possible and just hold you.  Then I cried all the way home and for a little after.  Then I thought it was over but then he texted me later that night when I was in Vermont.  
My New Rule: No More Douchebags 
Ok this one is a little extreme I wouldn’t exactly call him a douchebag but in the end I wasn’t treated how I wanted to be or how anyone should be treated.  It was hard being away but I always felt guilty for being away and that he was mad I wasn’t home with him.  Also he did not end it well and now we don’t even talk.  So here I am a making the pledge to not like or date another jerk.  I defiantly do not want to become more of a part of the hookup culture.  It’s not worth it, it recked my friendship with one of my guy friends and this last one turned into being together and destroyed me emotionally.  
-Cara douchbag free Sense 2.23.15
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